The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same

"Great, here they come again." I thought to myself. I pretended to search for something in my locker as the most popular girl and her entourage brushed by me with their matching New Kids on the Block t-shirts. I wanted so badly to walk alongside them and talk about which member of the boy band was the cutest. I longed for their small frames, flawless skin and perfectly teased hair. Feelings of inferiority seemed to be the norm for me back in the day.

It is said that Jean-Baptiste Alphonse Karr first recorded the expression "the more things change, the more they stay the same." There's so much truth in that statement. Here I am at the ripe age of 41 years old and as I recall those glorious junior high days, it's the early 90's and I am 13 all over again. If I'm not careful, there are situations that arise where I can let myself believe those same voices in my head now just as I did then. For instance:

Have you ever walked into church on a Sunday morning scanning the crowd to see who is available to chat with but everyone is knee deep in conversation? "You don't belong," says lie number one. Have you answered a question in front of a large group with 100% certainty only to find out it's the wrong answer? "You aren't smart enough." Lie #2. Ever worn too much make-up to cover a zit but feeling as though everyone is staring at it and you? "You aren't pretty enough." Lie #3.

It's easy to get bogged down in the trap of insecurity. But why?  It could be a number of things. Maybe those feelings stem from a childhood experience or it could be Satan planting doubt or maybe we have consumed too much of what the world calls worthy. No matter the reason, it all boils down to what we let our minds dwell on. If we choose self, problems and pity are sure to follow.  By fixing our minds on what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable and praiseworthy (Phil. 4:8) we shift from self to God. This can be difficult as we fight against our sinful nature. But, as we fill our minds with scripture, serving others and doing things to draw us nearer to God, we have less room to be deceived and more room to accept what God says about us. We are His Chosen (Ephesians 1:4-6). His masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10). His friend (John 15:15). We are His.

We have come a long way since tight rolled jeans, pagers and boy bands and yet somehow, mom jeans and scrunchies have overtaken Target. Fads fade. Sizes shift. Moods change. In the ebb and flow of life, let's be thankful that we serve God who is never changing in who He is and who He says we are. 

He's Got the Whole World in His Hands

 

Plop! That was the sound made as his diaper-covered rear end met the living room carpet. I was thankful for the extra cushion as I watched my son’s chubby little feet take another step. It was a shaky start but he was determined to master the art of balance. As i reached out my hands he fell into my arms and we danced with excitement!

Now here we are, almost 16 years later. I often wonder where the time went. To the outside world, he’s a typical moody teenager who thinks he knows it all. But oftentimes to me, he’s still this toddler learning to walk. Sound familiar? I’ve been reminded of his current stage of life several times over the last few years. It’s not the deeper voice or change of height that’s the reality check so much but rather the steps he’s taken toward adulthood. Driving, landing a job, facing life altering decisions.  Adolescents go through such highs and lows during this phase.  Our children aren’t alone as they experience the roller coaster of emotions either. They take us parents along for the ride too.  Sorry, Mom and Dad. I get it now.

Early on, in an effort to keep my son from making the same mistakes I did, I started him off on the way he should go so that when he becomes old, he won’t turn from it. (Prov. 22:6 NIV) The command to love God with all your heart, soul and strength was impressed on him and talked about just as Deuteronomy 6 states. In fact, his love for God has grown and been evident in his passion and boldness to share the good news with others.

But, he is no different than anyone else. Kids are faced with temptations, peer-pressure and loss.  My son has had to tread through some of this as of late. There's not quite as much celebration this time around. There are so many teachable moments children go through. But, so often we miss that we, as adults, have just as much to learn. 

As my son grasps the lesson that painful consequences follow bad choices, I am getting the hang of how to discipline, parent, listen without losing it and offer grace all at once. As he figures out who his true friends are, I am being taught how to call on mine for encouragement and prayer without worry of judgement. The best lesson of all is one that we are both being trained in…how much we need to depend and rely on God through any and all circumstances.

Whatever age any of us find ourselves, we are all children. His children. He is there with his hands stretched out waiting to guide, protect and care for us. So, rest easy Mamas and Daddys remembering He has the whole world in his hands. Including our own children. 

 

 

Stepping Out to Help Others Step In

 

Have you ever attended a gathering and you’re the only one over-dressed? Gosh, it feels all eyes are on you as soon as you enter the room. Last weekend, I took my decked-to-the-nines 10 year old to a Christmas party. It was the first time she had been to this friend’s home and her nerves and excitement had been building for a week. She looked beautiful in her black lace dress and red velvet shrug. As we walked in, Ava inched behind me with her hands clutched as she realized all the other girls were wearing jeans.  Mom fail #2,847!

This got me thinking about all the firsts we experience throughout our lives. Walking into a new school. Entering a social event to find cliques have already been made. Visiting a church seeking food for the soul but not knowing one. We all have a first time for everything. For some, it can attack us with anxiety. But maybe it’s not first encounters that you find difficult. Maybe it’s the 300^th and yet still feel as though you don’t belong.  Awkward moments and uncomfortable situations can have us scouting for a sandbox to bury our heads in or worse make us question why we bother trying at all.

Human beings have a tendency to cozy up with comfort. Why? Well, it’s just that – comfortable. Familiarity breeds security. However, at some point, we are all pulled out of our comfort zones. When that happens, whether it’s our choosing or not, unfamiliar territory can birth uncertainty. It's so important for us to remember those feelings so that when those around us experience them, we can reach out to help.

All throughout the accounts of Jesus, we read that He welcomed ALL. No matter the background, their talent or if they wore designer sandals. Jesus not only welcomed others but He invested in them. As Christians, we are called to imitate Christ. Paul tells us to welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God. (Romans 15:7) I can’t help but wonder what it would look like today if Jesus was visibly here and walking on this Earth. I envision Him having coffee and doughnuts with outcasts among other things.

Back to my story…things turned out wonderfully for my daughter that night. She made new friends, took silly pictures and ran so much her shoe broke. By the end of that evening, she had totally forgotten she was the only girl in a dress.  All of this happened because someone chose to step out of their circle to help her step in.

Food for Thought:

When is the last time you did something for the first time? How did it make you feel? Did anyone befriend you?

In what ways can you help someone feel loved and accepted? 

 

Hands of Time

 

A baby was born, all things were new.

With my tiny hand in yours, you whispered “God, thank you.”

 

As a kid we kneeled side by side for bedtime prayer.

With hands folded gently, we thanked God for being there.

 

Twelve was too old for me to hold your hand.

So you let go and asked God to fill me with faith and firmly stand.

 

By the time my hands were on the steering wheel of a car,

I didn’t want to participate in prayer so you said them from afar.

 

I was stubborn and rebellious and many mistakes were made.

When everyone around me left, you and God always stayed.

 

Tired of searching for the purpose of life,

I opened my hands in surrender and thus stopped my inner strife.

 

A baby was born and all things were new.

I lifted my hands to God with gratitude.

As the hands of time changed, so did mine and yours.

No matter the circumstance, I always saw your love for the Lord.

Because your life tells a story of how God has used you to help others persevere,

With your weary hand in mine I can whisper, "I’ll take it from here."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sunny Side Up

 

"Flip the cushions to the good side," is what I said to myself while in preparation for many houseguests that are to arrive in two days.  Our patio furniture has been put to good and frequent use. We keep the cushions cruddy-side up to make sure it's brother, sunny-side stays clean for visitors. Our home is never as clean as it is before we have guests. Can you relate?

Why is it we feel the need to give an appearance of a spotless home and perfect life?  Could it be we want to impress others with an illusion that we have it all together? You know, the joker-sized smile on Sunday morning.  Children perfectly posed on our latest Facebook post. A successful career that affords lavish trips. No one has to know that the smile we wear is to hide the tears from a fight with our loved one. That it took 20 takes before getting the one good picture of our kids. That the 5 day beach trip came after 360 days of a high-stress, unrewarding job. 

We seem to worry more about what others think of us and less about living authentically. God is omniscient and already knows everything we will think, say or do (past, present and future).  Thankfully, He is the only one who has it all together and He has made it so we do not have to rely on ourselves but on Him. We don't need to air all of our dirty laundry to the public, but  we do need to confess sin to each other and pray for each other so that we may be healed. (James 5:16) When we are honest with God and each other, two amazing things happen. The light of Jesus breaks through what is dark and covered and guides our feet into the way of peace. (Luke 1:79) and our transparency helps lead others to feel they too can do the same.

I'd like to say that I didn't think about those cushions after this but it just isn't so. Old habits die hard. As I went to turn them over, I realized one side looked just like the other. Should anyone notice or comment my response will be: "This is me, living authentically."

STOP

I took a walk today and stopped to sit on a bench facing the water (pictured above). Behind me is a lot of traffic and noise but in front of me lies beauty and calmness. With my earbuds in and current favorite song on, I closed my eyes and there it was, what I wanted to feel...His presence. It can be challenging to stop. I wondered how many times I had actually taken time out at midday on a Monday to be still with God. The answer is I cannot remember. I'm sure this is often the case with most of us because we don't have the time. And we have other priorities. But the thing is, we do have the time. We just have to make it . It may take creativity or taking time away from something else but can we afford not to? My answer is no. Our God in Heaven longs to have a relationship with us. Relationships grow stronger when time is invested.

The song I was listening to has a chorus that goes something like "I see the evidence of your goodness all over my life." I've never felt that more than now. As I reflected on this past week, I was able to witness many people surrender to the Lord and seal where they will spend eternity. I saw my daughter light up like I've never seen her and shout with pure delight. I watched my son walk into a room and help lead kids his age to Christ.

Those reflections lead to a heart of gratitude. Contentment. Peace. Those three things are hard to find in the hustle and bustle.

Today, I would encourage whomever reads this to go somewhere quiet and turn on that song that speaks to you. Close your eyes, be still and call to God. He will meet you there... Actually, He's already there.
 

Growing Pains

The picture above is a present-day photo of my son,  Jeremy, who captured my heart 14 years ago.

The picture below is who I still see.  A toddler - my baby. A cute, orange haired bundle of joy who first gave me the name “Mom.”

In two weeks, he will be a freshman in high school. Deep breath. Gulp! I remember swaddling him. His first steps.  The look of amazement at his first trip to the movie theater. 

It’s hard to be prepared for your first child. We can read all the books, buy the best baby products and have the nursery decorated to a tee. But, when that child enters the world, everything changes. We’re scared and excited all at once.  And, somehow, with a little help from those who’ve already been there, prayer and guidance from our Heavenly Father, we eventually figure some of this parenting thing out.

Yesterday, after getting advice from a friend, I bought my son an alarm clock. I realize I’m probably behind on making him wake up on his own, but, it’s something I’ve always done. It’s been a part of my morning routine for 14 years. Some may not see the big deal in that purchase, but, for me, it’s one more step of independence. One more thing he doesn’t need me to do for him anymore. Us Moms (Dads too) begin to feel the sting when our children get too old to hold our hand. Elementary turns to middle school and at some point, we find out that we (parents) aren’t as cool as we once were to them. It’s a gradual fade but it happens faster than we think or like. It's so hard to let go when we've held on for so long.

What do we do when the growing pains hit us?

It seems to happen many times throughout our children's lives.  Regardless of what stage our kids are in, we have to know and trust God has them in the palm of his hand and he is the One in control. In him, all things hold together. (Colossians 1:17) We need not fear for God strengthens us, helps us and upholds us. (Isaiah 41:10). We can also take comfort if we train our children in the way they should go they won't depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6) And, if they stray, know we are all sinners and all fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). Yet, He loves us just the same.

It's a few years away for us, but, the thought of crossing over into adulthood can be overwhelming. We, as parents, know what it brings with it. Their hearts will probably get broken. They'll make a bad choice or two. Question the direction of their lives. Maybe they’ll marry and have children of their own. Oh, how our minds can wander on the what if’s and future uncertainties.

For today though, my son is still 14. Not yet old enough to drive or date (thank goodness).  All I can do, or any parent can do is take it one step at a time. And, with a little help from those who've been there before, prayer, and guidance from our Heavenly Father, we will figure it out, again.