Dianna Buchwalter

The clock read 3:09 a.m. Oh no, I’ll never go back to sleep I thought, as I felt the velvety touch of my three year old’s hand rubbing my arm. Without much sleep the night before, I was exhausted. She began softly singing as her body flailed from one side to another. As much as I liked having her lay beside me, I knew no rest would be had. So, I picked her up and carried her to her big girl bed. She quickly nestled in under her safe, warm blankets as I told her to go back to sleep. My feet felt like they were 500 lbs as I lifted one foot in front of the other, fumbling my way back to my own room. My head hit the pillow and bing! My eyes were wide open. And so began my racing thoughts, tossing and turning and staring at the clock. Then, I heard God say: “Go back to sleep”. And so for the next two glorious hours, I slept so soundly, I don’t think I moved. Many night have been broken up in segments by the sound of my daughter’s tiny trampling feet or cries from my son after ...

Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live!  You can make this choice by loving the Lord your God, obeying him, and committing yourself firmly to him. This is the key to your life. -Deuteronomy 30:19-20 As I quieted the voices in my mind, the voices on the outside of the gate grew louder. “You don’t have to do this,” one man said. “There are other options.” I walked swiftly to the door, trying to block out the sign that read Stop Abortion Now and the voices that cried out, “Jesus loves you.” My mind was spinning, as I sat down in the waiting room.  I went from second guessing my decision to rationalizing it was okay.  After all, I was only a few weeks pregnant and the baby growing inside of me was smaller than a half dollar. It hadn’t had a chance to develop yet, is what I...

Divorce is like death, only it doesn’t kill you. Sometimes, it comes like a thief in the night. Other times, it’s years in the making. When reality hit that my marriage was at the end of its rope, I felt lost. No matter how bad it became, it was familiar and all I had come to know. But, the end arrived. And with it came feelings of heartache, hopelessness and insecurity. So, I found myself at the beginning of a new life as a single mom. Not only did I carry the emotions of the dissolution but I had new feelings to throw in the mix. Worry. Uncertainty. Fear. Over time, my new life became familiar. As my heart healed, I began to look to the future with anticipation. There’s a line in the movie Hope Floats that has become a favorite. “Beginnings are usually scary, endings are usually sad, but it’s what’s in the middle that counts. So when you find yourself at the beginning, just give hope a chance to float up. And it will.” As we are approaching the collision of one year’s end...

For there is hope for a tree, when it is cut down, that it will sprout again, And its shoots will not fail. Though its roots grow old in the ground and its stump dies in the dry soil, at the scent of water it will flourish and put forth sprigs like a plant. Job 14:7-9 Birch trees not only offer curb appeal but they have many useful purposes. The bark has been used to treat various skin rashes as well as make casts for broken bones.  Different parts of birch are used in the production of soaps and shampoos. And, birch sap can be made into syrup to be used on food. I looked up these fun facts after I was told the birch tree that was planted in my yard needed to be cut down. Because it was so close to my home, the roots were growing underneath it. If I didn’t chop it down, the foundation of my home would suffer severe consequences.  Though a tree like this could offer many beneficial qualities, in this case, it was causing more harm than good. As we pulled into our dri...

“You always have it together and look so polished.” “I don’t know how you do it as a single mom with two kids.” That is what a friend at church said to me this past Sunday. “Girl, if you only knew” was my response. I figured it was best to keep it short and sweet. What I was really thinking was how much of a mess I am. For instance, last week I forgot to brush my little girl’s teeth before sending her to daycare. Some days, on the days I actually wash my hair, I forget if I conditioned it. So, I do it again just to make sure. My closet looks like hurricane Hugo went through it and never recovered. (That was a hurricane in 1989 by the way) And, a few weeks ago, I struggled with feelings of emptiness and little joy. Let’s go back to this dry season. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. My life was as it normally is. Nothing tragic happened. My children were happy and healthy. I was doing everything we Christians do. I read the Bible, prayed and attended church. Why did I feel this d...

One of the most miserable, agonizing feelings is the separation from a loved one. In 2014, I was 7,000 miles away from my children and was only able to talk to them once in eleven days. On the day I arrived home from my trip, I couldn’t put my arms around them fast enough! Though it seemed it had been an eternity, once I held them, it was as if no time had passed. I went from glum to glee immediately. Today, my brother would’ve blown out 34 birthday candles. I wonder how he would’ve turned out. If the girls would still be chasing him or would he have settled down. I imagine my children jumping all over him and laughing as he was doing one of his famous impersonations. It’s been almost 11 years since he passed and there is still a pang in my heart. Remembering him is bitter sweet for thinking of happy times spent together is followed by the ache of his absence. Birthdays, holidays and anniversaries often trigger the pain of loved ones who are gone. Days like today forces me to...