The Old Wooden Bench

There is an old wooden bench that sits in my back yard. A lot of use has come out of it. In fact, it used to be quite charming. It’s rotted now and the best use for it would be in a dump. It seems like just yesterday I was sitting on it, alongside someone. Now, it’s falling apart board by board.

If only I had a truck to haul it off, or better yet, if only I had a man in my life to rid it of its misery. But, I don’t.

Truth is, there’s many things around my house that could use repairing or tweaking. Many of which I’m not strong enough to tackle alone.

Most times, life is so busy that I forget about what’s being neglected. I rush by the broken porch, the swing set that’s falling apart, and the old bench that’s caving in. But, when I’m stilled, all of the broken things seem to come into focus. The reality of my singleness seems to be magnified. It makes me long for a husband. Not to just fix things around the house, but for the companionship - Someone to tell my innermost secrets to, and to sit on the bench with. Of course, if he wants, he can haul off the junk too.

There’s a deep desire in my heart-a desire that doesn't seem to go away.

During this season of singleness, my relationship with The Lord has grown by leaps and bounds. He has used this time to grow and mature me. Psalm 119:71 says, it was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn Your decrees. For that reason alone, I wouldn’t trade my lonely nights or tear stained pillows.

I certainly won’t sugarcoat it. It’s not always easy, but, it’s always been worth it. He wants good for both my family and me. I know God has purpose for this season of waiting. He isn’t holding back the very thing I desire most because it’s fun for Him, He’s doing it because He loves me that much. He’s teaching me how to rely on Him for everything.

Singles hear over and over, “Quit looking and you’ll find it” or “God is still preparing you.” While this may be true, we still tire of hearing it. So, my point of writing this is to let whoever can relate know, you are not alone. The feelings you have are real and you're not a lesser Christian by desiring companionship while you walk with the Lord. It’s okay to cry out to The Father.

We are fooling ourselves if we think that a husband or wife can bring us every bit of happiness that we feel is lacking in our aloneness. That’s a lot of pressure to put on someone, and, another person will never bring complete satisfaction. People will fail you. Sooner or later, that person who brings you flowers and makes your heart flutter will also be the one to hurt you or wrong you, not necessarily because they want to, but because they are human.

The Lord is our ultimate Companion. He wants to be the shoulders we lean on and the One who we tell our secrets to. He is the only One who can heal our loneliness. And, in addition to that, He wants to haul off our junk; our past, our failures, and our wounds. You can trust that God’s plans are bigger and better because "No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly." (Ps. 84:11 ESV)

So, the next time you're looking for someone to sit on the bench beside you, remember this, He’s already there.

Reflect:
Do you believe God loves you so much He wants His absolute best for you?
In what ways can you be of use for the kingdom during your season of singleness?

Goodbye, Muffin Top!

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

There it was, this small, square, thin plate of glass staring at me on the bathroom floor. The scale and I have a love/hate relationship. Its powers do more than display my weight. Depending on what numbers pop up, that scale can solicit a smile or cause my shoulders to slump faster than a cheetah chasing its prey.

The pressure to be thin seems to start at an early age and has only intensified through modern technology. Social media, magazines and television brainwash us into thinking that beauty comes in the measurements of 36, 24, 36. We size ourselves up to airbrushed models or our thin best friend only to let discouragement and discontentment set in when we feel we cannot compare.

If we place more emphasis on our exterior rather than what God looks at, our confidence will come from the wrong source and will constantly change, like the numbers on a scale. But, if we are able to take our insecurities to the Lord, He will be our confidence. To keep our eyes on Christ will train our brains to think of ourselves the way He does-Wonderfully made. Set apart. Chosen. We can walk with certainty and self-assurance because of the One who lives inside us.

When the prophet Samuel searched for the next king of Israel, he was impressed with Jesse's son, Eliab. However, we read in our key verse the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." Of course we read on to find that it was David, a young shepherd boy, who not only defeated Goliath the giant, but who God raised up as king, not Eliab.

David didn't stand in front of a mirror and say I'm too small to slay a giant. He didn't look at his brothers and think they were more masculine and better fit to do the job. He boldly stepped up in the name of the Lord Almighty because he knew God was with him!

When we show compassion, remain humble, have gratitude and spread love we cultivate the gentle, gracious kind of inner beauty that God delights in. 

It's fine to want a nice appearance and exercise is good for the body. Goodbye, Muffin Top! Our bodies are our temples and we should take care of them. However, we shouldn't allow size and/or comparison to dictate our self worth or our mood. We are handcrafted, custom designed and one-of-a-kind.  We should think of ourselves as nothing less. 

Prayer

Father, you are perfect in all of your ways. You created me in your image and have made no mistakes in doing so. When self-doubt threatens to consume me, turn my gaze from the mirror and onto you.  In Jesus' name, amen.

Chasing Butterflies

(1 Timothy 6:6 NIV) But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it.

A few months ago, I watched my daughter, who was then four years old, run behind a duck that had made his way onto the boardwalk at the beach. Of course he didn’t let her latch onto him but it sure was entertaining to watch her try.

This triggered thoughts of all the people and things I’ve pursued in my own life. As a small child I dashed behind butterflies. As a hormone crazed teen, it was boys. In my early twenties, it was the latest trends. After I had my first child, I darted after him.  Most everything I tried to obtain brought a lot of satisfaction that never lasted.

At the ripe age of 33, I found myself empty, broken, and lost.  All the running left my heart invigorated but my soul depleted. On a quest to find what was missing, I soon discovered the only One I needed to chase didn’t need to be caught because He had been with me all my life. We can have everything money can buy with the white picket fence and 2.5 kids and still have an ache from the hollow space within.  That hole can only be filled by obeying and abiding in Jesus Christ. His word says those who hunger and thirst for righteousness will be filled. (Matt. 5:6)

Most of us want the same things in life: to find purpose and be happy. The world will promise we will find it by saying things such as do what makes you feel good. Buy the new car. Find love. Travel the world. While these can bring temporary gratification, they will not bring permanent fulfillment. The shiny new car will eventually dull, we’ll find out our significant other is imperfect like us, and our stamped passports will collect dust.

We were created by God and for God and our sole purpose is to glorify Him.  Anything short of that will leave us with an exhausted ego constantly in search for more. Our key verse says: But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and we can take nothing out of it.  Godliness means to be Christ like. When we strive to be more like Him in our thoughts and actions then we are pursuing much more than happiness but rather holiness. When we do, we learn to be content with whatever we have in whatever situation we are in. Contentment in God produces the gain we all want which is joy. Not to be confused with the momentary delight of chasing things like butterflies and BMW's. No, He brings everlasting joy! The kind we get just to be in His presence where at His right hand are pleasures forevermore. (Ps. 16:11) 

Reflect:
How many times have you chased someone or something in hopes of finding happiness only to be left with unmet expectations?

Have you asked God to take over your life so you can experience perpetual joy?

One Day Closer

This post was written in 2015. Though it is a year old, it still rings true and always will. Happy Birthday in Heaven, Bubba!



One of the most miserable, agonizing feelings is the separation from a loved one.
In 2014, I was 7,000 miles away from my children and was only able to talk to them once in eleven days. On the day I arrived home from my trip, I couldn’t put my arms around them fast enough! Though it seemed it had been an eternity, once I held them, it was as if no time had passed. I went from glum to glee immediately.

Today, my brother would’ve blown out 34 birthday candles. I wonder how he would’ve turned out. If the girls would still be chasing him or would he have settled down. I imagine my children jumping all over him and laughing as he was doing one of his famous impersonations.

It’s been almost 11 years since he passed and there is still a pang in my heart. Remembering him is bitter sweet for thinking of happy times spent together is followed by the ache of his absence. Birthdays, holidays and anniversaries often trigger the pain of loved ones who are gone. Days like today forces me to look at my own mortality. Death is just a part of life. It’s avoided in everyday conversation yet the Bible says our lives are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. (James 4:14)

What do these two different circumstances have in common? The sorrow is temporary. For those who believe in the death and resurrection of Christ, we look at each day that passes as one day closer to being in our eternal home-with Jesus. We know there are better 
things waiting for us that will last forever. (Hebrews 10:32)

As I reflect on the past with fond memories, I anticipate even greater ones to come. I envision colors no eye has seen. Water as clear as crystal. Thousands upon thousands of angels singing in harmony to our King on the throne. A place free of war. Famine. Natural disasters. Murderers. Disease. Where every tear will be wiped from our eyes. (Revelation 21:4) Where we won’t need the light of a lamp for the Lord God will be all the light we need. (Rev. 22:5)

Oh, How I long to be home. Can you picture it?

For those who have loved ones now departed, time may ease the pain but it doesn’t make you miss them less. It’s okay to still have sad days. Weeping may last through the night but joy comes in the morning. (Ps. 30:5) Fix your eyes on the Father and dwell not in the temporary. And, when the longing for our loved one seems to be unbearable, just know a reunion is in the works…until then, let’s get our party hats ready to celebrate.

A Life in Snapshots

Yes, God, your God, dried up the Jordan’s waters for you until you had crossed, just as God, your God, did at the Red Sea, which had dried up before us until we had crossed. This was so that everybody on earth would recognize how strong God’s rescuing hand is and so that you would hold God in solemn reverence always. Joshua 4: 23-24 MSG

We can tell a lot of one’s life by glancing at photographs. They tell a story. From a baby’s first arrival into the world to high school graduation to wedding days and beyond. The commonality in most pictures is the subject normally wears a smile.  If someone were to go through my old photos they would probably think I was the happiest person on the planet.

But, pictures only allow us to see what we want them to. I can’t think of anyone that wants to capture a moment of despair. Why? Because we don’t want to remember it.  The essence of snapshots is to freeze time so we can fondly look back at happy memories and pass those down to our loved ones.

I scrolled through images the other day and as I looked at each one I was instantly taken back to that exact time and place. With some of them, I remember a disagreement that had occurred earlier in the day or tears that were shed hours before it was taken. As time passes and I glance at them again, it’s not the conflicts I’ll recollect but rather the people that were with me during those times and how, with God, we overcame the obstacles.

This reminds me of the twelve stones of memorial in the book of Joshua. Joshua begins by the Lord charging him to lead the Israelites across the Jordan River into new land. The Lord tells him to be strong and courageous because He would remove their enemies from the land and He would be with them. The priests, carrying the Ark of the Lord, led the way. As soon as their feet were placed in the Jordan, its waters were cut off and the river stood up like a wall. All the people then crossed the river on dry land. Afterward, the Lord told Joshua to place twelve stones at the place they crossed as a memorial to the people of Israel to serve as a lasting sign of God’s work. Joshua said in the future their children would ask what the stones meant and he instructed the Israelites to tell them the story. The story of God’s might, presence and the promises He kept. How He did it so everyone on earth would recognize the Lord’s hand is powerful and they would hold God in solemn reverence always.

We will all go through our own Jordan Rivers at some point. We’ll probably take a selfie before and after it but unlikely will we do it in the middle. It’s the hard times no one else sees that builds our character and makes us who we are. When we feel so weak we must rely on God’s strength. When we don’t see a way out and God pulls us through. Not many smiling faced portraits then. But Oh, when we make it to the other side! We may look a little more run down and our knees might be a little more beaten up but the testimony we’ll give will be worth it to tell our children. The story of a good Father who was with us and delivered us into our promised land.

Heavenly Father,

You, who created life knows ours from birth to death. Every smiling face and hidden tear. Your word says you are always with us and fighting for us. Help us to remember that. On the days we are happy enough to take a photo, remind us that it is your delight to see us joyful. During the times we feel the weight of the world on our shoulders, wrap us into your arms and help us rest in your promise of deliverance. Thank you God that no matter how we are feeling, you are there.  In Jesus' name, Amen.

Weary

I fall on my knees in defeat, tired of the fight.

Why does it have to be so hard, I cry out with all my might.

Two steps forward and one step back seems to be the going rate.

Where are you trying to get to, He asks. Don’t you know I’ll never allow you to be late?

I have things I want to accomplish, I’m ready to begin.

Your not ready for the task just yet my friend.

Waiting can be so painful. It fills me with such strife.

I know, He said, I waited for you to come to me for half your life.

I’m working behind the scenes, good things are on the way.

Will you trust me not just now but every day?

Will I be enough for you when the answer is no?

Will you move when I say go?

You see, He said, I’m molding you into the person I created you to be.

The process isn’t always easy but it’s placing your dependence on me.

When you think the battle has been lost, I order my angels to hold you up.

Spend some time with me, I AM the living water and I will fill your cup.

You will not grow weary, you will not faint

When you place your hope in me, the Lord with no restraint.

Through the Eyes Of A Child

The clock read 5:36 a.m. I had four minutes until the dreadful sound of the alarm would go off.  Everything in me wanted to stay snuggled under the covers but there was work to be done. With one eye open and flashlight in hand, I made my way to my daughter’s room where I pried Mittens the elf out of her arms. I then gathered up Christopher, my son’s elf and stood there asking “what shenanigans can these crazy rascals get into this morning?”

Thirty minutes later, I saw Ava peek from around the corner and ask me in a soft tone with slight lisp the same question she had for days “where’s Mittens?” Their scavenger hunt began as they ran from room to room with such anticipation of what they would find. Moments later I heard my most favorite sound on the planet. Both of my little ones chuckled as they discovered their bathroom covered in toilet paper and the two elves sitting ever so innocently on the towel rack.

In the middle of that normal Thursday morning, after I made sure teeth were brushed, hair was combed and bags were packed, for just a brief moment, I was able to forget my responsibilities and return to a childlike frame of mind while the three of us had a good giggle. Oh, to be young again! Where simplicity, innocence and belief seem to be intertwined.

With Christmas upon us, a sense of wonder and enchantment fills the air. It’s a time of hope and giving. When mischievous elves have daring adventures no eye has seen. When Santa is able to deliver toys to every little angel on Earth (if their on the good list of course). To see and experience this season through their eyes is quite magical.

Is it possible that we as adults can bring ourselves to a childlike state not only at Christmas but year round? The Bible says whoever becomes elemental again like a child will rank high in God’s kingdom. (Matt. 18:2-5 MSG) This doesn’t mean to act immaturely but rather to have the faith of a youth and believe in the unseen. Kids are also the best examples of meekness and are teachable. We must take God at his word with reverence and simplicity and humble ourselves before the Lord. Finally, we are told to be imitators of God. (Ephesians 5:1) God is love. Who better represents unconditional love like our Father but children?

As exciting as it is to carry on traditions, hang stockings and wrap presents, there is no cause to celebrate had it not been for the birth of a babe who lowly entered this world. He, in all His holiness, who has given us our lives has also taught us the way in which to live them. Like youngsters who search for the elves, may we constantly seek our Savior, Jesus Christ in eager expectancy of the joy He brings and as we marvel at our own offspring may we strive to be more like them.

Reflect:

Has the harshness of life left you with unbelief and uncertainty? How can you begin to change your perspective to that of an adolescent?