Sleep Interrupted

The clock read 3:09 a.m. Oh no, I’ll never go back to sleep I thought, as I felt the velvety touch of my three year old’s hand rubbing my arm. Without much sleep the night before, I was exhausted.

She began softly singing as her body flailed from one side to another. As much as I liked having her lay beside me, I knew no rest would be had.

So, I picked her up and carried her to her big girl bed. She quickly nestled in under her safe, warm blankets as I told her to go back to sleep. My feet felt like they were 500 lbs as I lifted one foot in front of the other, fumbling my way back to my own room.

My head hit the pillow and bing! My eyes were wide open. And so began my racing thoughts, tossing and turning and staring at the clock.

Then, I heard God say: “Go back to sleep”. And so for the next two glorious hours, I slept so soundly, I don’t think I moved.

Many night have been broken up in segments by the sound of my daughter’s tiny trampling feet or cries from my son after a bad dream.

For us parents, if our child calls out for us, we are there to rescue them at the speed of light. If they are wandering through the night, we are there to scoop them up and carry them to their safe haven.

As we go about our own lives, troubles come. We try to remedy our own problems with things of this world. Oftentimes, we will take our cares to The Father as a last resort. We’ve gotten it backwards and yet this pattern continues.

What should we do when our sleep is interrupted by more than just a child’s cry? When worry takes the place of worship? When problems over shadow praise? When fear replaces our focus on Him?

Psalm 18:6 says: In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears.

The Lord does the same for us, as we do for our own children. He is there to pick us up when we fall. To carry our burdens. To bring us back to a place of safety. All we have to do is say His name. He hears us.

Father in Heaven, you are worthy of every praise. You are my protector and provider. My father and friend. Without you, I am nothing. With you, I am everything you said I would be. Redeemed. Set free. Worthy. Thanks be to you for who you are. Thank you for just by saying your name demons tremble. Thank you that when I call, you answer. In Jesus’ precious name, Amen.

Reflect
What weighs on you so heavily it causes your sleep to be interrupted?

What steps can you take in relinquishing your anxieties to God and leaving them at the cross?

Choose Life

Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live!  You can make this choice by loving the Lord your God, obeying him, and committing yourself firmly to him. This is the key to your life. -Deuteronomy 30:19-20

As I quieted the voices in my mind, the voices on the outside of the gate grew louder. “You don’t have to do this,” one man said. “There are other options.”

I walked swiftly to the door, trying to block out the sign that read Stop Abortion Now and the voices that cried out, “Jesus loves you.”

My mind was spinning, as I sat down in the waiting room.  I went from second guessing my decision to rationalizing it was okay.  After all, I was only a few weeks pregnant and the baby growing inside of me was smaller than a half dollar. It hadn’t had a chance to develop yet, is what I thought to myself. It didn’t seem like I was about to shed innocent blood.

Because the pregnancy was unplanned, I made plans for what I thought was right for myself. I never once questioned what was best for the child and how God would feel about it.

I wish I would have researched the facts of abortion, but I didn’t.  I didn’t want to know. Had I examined it, I would’ve known that by the fourth and fifth week the baby’s heart begins to flutter and limb buds appear.  Other systems such as the circulatory, digestive, urogenital and nervous system begin to all take shape.

I drove myself home that dark day, numb. The memories and emotions were stuffed into a deep abyss of my soul. I had no idea what a lasting effect this would have on my life and the feelings of remorse, humiliation and condemnation I would carry. Tears are rolling down my cheek as I type this from the pain. But God doesn’t want me to stay in bondage to the chains that weighed me down.  What good would it do to bury my dark secret with me when I know it may help someone else? And so, that is why I am sharing my story. 

For the woman who has had an abortion, you are not alone. God still loves you and wants to heal you. You can be rid of shame and walk confidently by confessing your sin and accepting His forgiveness. There is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. Because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death. (Romans 8:1-2)

For the woman contemplating abortion, don’t do it! Choose life! The baby you’ve been given is a blessing.  No matter how the baby was conceived, God has created this human being and allowed it. If the child is unwanted or cannot be cared for, there are people in this world who would love to cradle an infant in their arms. Don’t make a permanent decision based on a temporary emotion. Our key verse says choose life by loving God, obeying Him and committing to Him.

The stirring of these buried emotions have caused me to deal with them and leave them at the cross. I’ve heard a voice that has grown louder than my own and those of the people that day at the gate.  It’s the sweet whisper of Jesus who simply says: I forgive you. No matter what mistake you’ve made or will make, I forgive you.  If your weary from a heavy load, He wants you to hear that same sound. His grace covers all.

Reflect:

Are their secret sins weighing you down? Do you feel your past mistakes could stop someone from making the same one(s)?

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Hope Floats

Divorce is like death, only it doesn’t kill you. Sometimes, it comes like a thief in the night. Other times, it’s years in the making.

When reality hit that my marriage was at the end of its rope, I felt lost. No matter how bad it became, it was familiar and all I had come to know. But, the end arrived. And with it came feelings of heartache, hopelessness and insecurity.

So, I found myself at the beginning of a new life as a single mom. Not only did I carry the emotions of the dissolution but I had new feelings to throw in the mix. Worry. Uncertainty. Fear.

Over time, my new life became familiar. As my heart healed, I began to look to the future with anticipation.

There’s a line in the movie Hope Floats that has become a favorite. “Beginnings are usually scary, endings are usually sad, but it’s what’s in the middle that counts. So when you find yourself at the beginning, just give hope a chance to float up. And it will.”

As we are approaching the collision of one year’s end to another’s beginning, it seems only fitting to take a moment to reflect. To look back on how we’ve changed and the lessons learned. It’s also the perfect time to look forward to what is to come. The future is unknown to us all. The beauty in that is possibilities are endless and anything can happen.

No matter what 2014 held, let’s store the good memories, learn from the past but set our eyes on the future. A future that, filled with Jesus, can be one of hope. Hope anchors the soul, keeps our head above water and helps us persevere. Hope floats!

Philippians 3:13-14 (NLT) says: I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us up to heaven.

Here is to 2015! May God fill us with joy and peace as we trust in Him, so that we may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. ( Romans 15:13)

Further reading: Hebrews 6: 18-20 (MSG) says: We who have run for our very lives to God have every reason to grab the promised hope with both hands and never let go. It’s an unbreakable spiritual lifeline, reaching past all appearances right to the very presence of God where Jesus, running on ahead of us, has taken up his permanent post.

Roots

For there is hope for a tree, when it is cut down, that it will sprout again, And its shoots will not fail. Though its roots grow old in the ground and its stump dies in the dry soil, at the scent of water it will flourish and put forth sprigs like a plant. Job 14:7-9

Birch trees not only offer curb appeal but they have many useful purposes. The bark has been used to treat various skin rashes as well as make casts for broken bones.  Different parts of birch are used in the production of soaps and shampoos. And, birch sap can be made into syrup to be used on food.

I looked up these fun facts after I was told the birch tree that was planted in my yard needed to be cut down. Because it was so close to my home, the roots were growing underneath it. If I didn’t chop it down, the foundation of my home would suffer severe consequences.  Though a tree like this could offer many beneficial qualities, in this case, it was causing more harm than good.

As we pulled into our driveway last week, we came home to a knee length stump where the tree once stood.  My nine year old, with all his wisdom, said: “Mommy, if the roots are already under the house, can they still hurt it?”  “Hopefully, we caught it in time to stop any damage, but we’ll have to make sure the roots are dead too,” I said.

Our lives can be a lot like this. Beautiful and seemingly purposeful on the outside but rooted in sin underneath.  We Jesus lovers want to please Him. But, the temptation of the flesh is always fighting to put forth sprigs and grow.  Those of us who find ourselves planted with roots of deceit, doubt or distress  know it most likely did not happen overnight.    The enemy masquerades his schemes as harmless. He seduces us with conniving tactics:

• Excusing office gossip as fellowship.
• Turning a hard work week into a reason to party.
• Playing house with our boyfriend/girlfriend before saying vows.

What may seem like innocent fun, overtime, is the seed that will eventually damage what we thought was a solid bedrock of faith.  A sparingly checked heart creates a massively strong root of unrighteousness. To make sure our infrastructure is that of vitality and not destruction requires us to examine its origins every day.  Morning by morning, destroy wicked thoughts, turn from selfish ways, take up your cross daily and follow Him.  (Luke 9:23).

In the same way there is hope for a cut down tree, there is hope for us.  Our key verse says it will flourish at the very scent of water.  For those who believe in Jesus, rivers of water flow from within us. Can you visualize what happens when you drink it, daily?

Dry Season

“You always have it together and look so polished.” “I don’t know how you do it as a single mom with two kids.” That is what a friend at church said to me this past Sunday. “Girl, if you only knew” was my response. I figured it was best to keep it short and sweet.

What I was really thinking was how much of a mess I am. For instance, last week I forgot to brush my little girl’s teeth before sending her to daycare. Some days, on the days I actually wash my hair, I forget if I conditioned it. So, I do it again just to make sure. My closet looks like hurricane Hugo went through it and never recovered. (That was a hurricane in 1989 by the way) And, a few weeks ago, I struggled with feelings of emptiness and little joy.

Let’s go back to this dry season. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. My life was as it normally is. Nothing tragic happened. My children were happy and healthy. I was doing everything we Christians do. I read the Bible, prayed and attended church. Why did I feel this discontentment?

Maybe I’m not doing enough for God, I thought to myself. Or, maybe I need a change that would spice my life up. Several weeks went on like this. I prayed for Him to rid me of these depressing feelings. Eventually, it dawned on me how self-righteous my prayer was, so I asked for a heart change.

And one afternoon, while working out at the gym, I felt Him move. As I listened to a song by the group Red called “Pieces.”

I’m here again, a thousand miles away from you
A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am
I tried so hard, thought I could do this on my own
I’ve lost so much along the way
Then I’ll see your face, I know I’m finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name, I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole

Tears filled my eyes. I was hoping if any fell, the sweat beads on my face would camouflage them. I didn’t want everyone to think I was a complete nut. In that moment, it was as if a 50 lb weight had been lifted from my shoulders. “Thank you” was all I could say.

I got so busy working for Him that I lost sight of who it was I really needed. It’s oftentimes when we get stuck in a routine, God will shake us up. When our spiritual lives begin to be check list items, we have a tendency to think we can handle things on our own. Our shake up is a wake up to let us know who our dependence is on.

What can we do when we may look like we have it all together but we don’t feel like it?

Continue seeking Him through prayer and His word. Ask God to reveal himself in a fresh way that opens your eyes to see wonderful truths in His instructions. (Psalm 119:18) Pray He would fill you with joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13)

Recall previous times when you’ve gone through trials and God listened and attended to the voice of your prayer. (Psalm 66:19)

Confide in trusted friends and pray for each other that you may be healed. (James 5:16) A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. (Ecclesiastes 4:12)

If you’ve found yourself parched from a dry season,I invite you to whisper this prayer to our King, the spring of living water, who refreshes the weary and satisfies the faint. (Jeremiah 31:25)

Daddy, I don’t know why I’m in this low place but you do. I need you. I ask you to help me learn the lesson you are teaching me. Instead of changing my circumstances, change me. Help me to be thankful as I continue seeking you. Amen.
 

One Day Closer

One of the most miserable, agonizing feelings is the separation from a loved one.

In 2014, I was 7,000 miles away from my children and was only able to talk to them once in eleven days. On the day I arrived home from my trip, I couldn’t put my arms around them fast enough! Though it seemed it had been an eternity, once I held them, it was as if no time had passed. I went from glum to glee immediately.

Today, my brother would’ve blown out 34 birthday candles. I wonder how he would’ve turned out. If the girls would still be chasing him or would he have settled down. I imagine my children jumping all over him and laughing as he was doing one of his famous impersonations.

It’s been almost 11 years since he passed and there is still a pang in my heart. Remembering him is bitter sweet for thinking of happy times spent together is followed by the ache of his absence. Birthdays, holidays and anniversaries often trigger the pain of loved ones who are gone. Days like today forces me to look at my own mortality. Death is just a part of life. It’s avoided in everyday conversation yet the Bible says our lives are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. (James 4:14)

What do these two different circumstances have in common? The sorrow is temporary. For those who believe in the death and resurrection of Christ, we look at each day that passes as one day closer to being in our eternal home-with Jesus. We know there are better things waiting for us that will last forever. (Hebrews 10:32)
As I reflect on the past with fond memories, I anticipate even greater ones to come. I envision colors no eye has seen. Water as clear as crystal. Thousands upon thousands of angels singing in harmony to our King on the throne. A place free of war. Famine. Natural disasters. Murderers. Disease. Where every tear will be wiped from our eyes. (Revelation 21:4) Where we won’t need the light of a lamp for the Lord God will be all the light we need. (Rev. 22:5)

Oh! How I long to be home. Can you picture it?.

For those who have loved ones now departed, time may ease the pain but it doesn’t make you miss them less. It’s okay to still have sad days. Weeping may last through the night but joy comes in the morning. (Ps. 30:5) Fix your eyes on the Father and dwell not in the temporary. And, when the longing for our loved one seems to be unbearable, just know a reunion is in the works…until then, let’s get our party hats ready to celebrate.